Karen's Clan

I've found the timing of this carnival quite funny, as in the last few weeks this is the area of my life that is facing the biggest challenge!  Thankfully, this month's carnival host did me the kind courtesy of sending out a reminder two weeks before it was due, and as I sat down to write this, I thought, "Hey! That's an important tool to 'getting it all done', reminders!" Having a reminder, be it on my cell phone, in my diary, or on a hastily scribbled note pad really help me to get it all done.

So, having been reminded for a while, I've been able to think about getting it all done. How do I do that? What is helpful? Here are a few of my 'tools'.

Let's start with school. I think another important tool for me is having a schedule or a plan. The curriculum we use in our home (Sonlight) comes with a schedule provided for 36 weeks. Now in the one and  half years that I've been doing this I have grown immensely in this area. I'm learning constantly how to make the schedule serve me, rather than becoming a slave to it. I've learnt what parts of Sonlight work for us, and what parts don't; I've learned to let those parts go without feeling guilt, and to make it suit our family.

Sonlight's Instructor 's Guide

• I take 10 weeks of the Sonlight curriculum guide and consider this my framework. Then I make a term plan on scrap paper, with blocks, rather than days (so day 1, 2, 3 etc rather than Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday etc). Sonlight's separate schedules for the Core/LA/Science were too cumbersome for me, but I believe that has changed now. I've found this helpful because when life happens, and we are delayed, I don't feel guilty looking and seeing that it's Thursday and we haven't done any 'school' yet, rather, that we just need to pick up where we left off, on day 2. I streamline our selected learning from this broad guide: for example, I'll look at all the suggested LA  assignments, and select some of them to do, I'll leave out the spelling, and make sure I add in more books for him to read. 
• Then in pencil, I write in my daily journal what I want to achieve that week. As we do it on the day, I tick  off what we actually manage to do with a colored pen. This way I can adjust our week's load easily, but also have a final record of what I've done (which I draw from when I write my son's mid term and end of year report). 

Getting this done takes me a couple of solid evenings at the beginning of the term, and that sacrifice of time is so worth it. On a weekly basis, I try and do the weeks plan on a Thursday during down moments in the morning, or latest by that afternoon (we use a 4 day school week), so that it's ready for us on Monday (I used to do it on a Sunday evening and that was awful!).

my weekly planner

Having a schedule or a plan is essential to my sanity! 

Another tool that works for me is having a predictable routine. Again this is something that happens naturally in our home. My kids and I are early risers, and so we're all awake, fed and ready for the day by about 0730. When King Arthur and I get home from dropping the others at school, we start within minutes of walking through the door. It's just evolved into this over time, and now my son knows what is expected of him. Predictable routines lead to this - children knowing what is expected of them.

In terms of the details of our day, over time we've learnt, through much trial and error, what works for us (we're still learning this: as King Arthur grows, as I learn, as life changes...being open to this change is important!). We settle down to do seatwork first (Maths or Handwriting). This works for us as King Arthur is fresh, and at the end of the day it just doesn't happen well! I've learnt with Maths to keep the lessons short, and with Handwriting, I vary the assignments from day to day: copywork, creative writing,  letters to Granny... anything that is written! Then we move from the table into the lounge where we do Science, Reading and History, and then at the end of school we do all our read-alouds.

However, in my grand plans, I've realized that I even need to schedule in the fun - the art, the experiments, the nature walks etc (perhaps this is even the real school stuff, just a thought!), because I have a tendency to want to tick everything off on the list, and by the time I've done that, I've run out of steam to do the fun things. This is an area I'm still working at, so there's much room for improvement....and watch this space, as it's likely I might throw out everything I'm used to in the coming months! I've been sensing change afoot!

To compensate for this, I've found it really helpful to share school with friends, or to run my own workshops, where I can get around to doing all the fun things I never seem to get to! I'm also fortunate to be around women who are also running things - King Arthur attends a friend's Art club, and music with another lady -  areas that are not my strength.

I find it helpful to use this morning, when Elijah is at Art, wisely. It's the one morning every two weeks where I have my own head space for two hours, and I try to make sure it is used well. For me, having some personal head space on a regular basis, just to be still is also essential to getting it all done.

It's also helpful to be accountable to someone to get it done - Braveheart is amazing in listening to me week in and week out, when I relate to him our progress. Other times I just need a different perspective, and sometimes friends are able to offer that to me.

But life is not just about school! Over the last few years I've learnt some tools as to how to get "life done"! Time management is my golden key:

•  I schedule things at the same time - so whilst Aragorn is swimming, King Arthur does his reading, or whilst King Arthur does his gymnastics, we visit the library. 
• I've learnt how to plan my meals for a month, and do one monthly shop (which saves me both time and money), and then only shop once a week for fresh things. I'd love to tell you I cook two meals at once and freeze regularly, but the only time that happens is with spaghetti bolaignaise! This used to be the frozen for a meal on nights when we get home after 5. (I must add here, in all fairness, that Braveheart has blessed me by taking this meal on board, as it is his *meal* (he has a knack of making a delicious one!), and he makes it for us now)
•  I've learnt how to streamline buying birthday presents by keeping a birthday list year after year - so, for example, at the beginning of September I know how many presents I need to buy and I try and do that in one go.
• I'm very privileged to have a lady to help me with housework, and her work is such a blessing to us. I've learnt though on the days she doesn't come, to first do what will make it feel like I'm on top of things before anything else. For me, making the beds, a tidy lounge and tidy kitchen counters make me feel like my house is in order, then as the day wears on, I can get to all the other little things. My kids also know how to pull their own weight in tidying things too.
• I guard my time on the computer carefully, and with how I spend it in general. 

Before I go any further I feel it quite important to share something with you. I like being organised. I like order. These things make me feel comfortable, and I like knowing what to expect. But sometimes, even  for me, the best intentions of getting it all done can vaporize in a moment. I've been there these last few weeks, with launching Cape Explorers, attempting to run two blogs, managing family life, and investing in relationships.



What does one do then, when everything seems to go pear shaped?

I simplify. I strip down our life to the bare minimum. What are the absolute essentials I need to get done today?
- for me? (shower, eat?)
- for the house (dishes bathrooms, beds?)
- for the family (get them fed, quality time?)
...and get myself back together with a few days like that. It's no good getting myself into a nervous break down trying to get it all done! And after a few days like that, my perspective shifts and I am on an even keel again!

I do hope you find the time to read this month's carnival, and that we can learn and be encouraged by one another!

Here's to getting it done!

Glennon Melton coined that term in her blog, Momastery, and I think it is the most apt term I have heard all year.

Life is brutiful.




I love that word. It's an interplay of something beautiful, and something brutal. And life's that way for all of us, in different ways, on different levels, whether we recognize it or not. Christ even spoke of it - knowing that we will have suffering whilst living an abundant life.

Surrounding me at the moment are women recently married, whose marriages have rubbed off the rough edges on each other enough so that they are now truly cleaving to one another and making a new oneness. Beautiful. There are women who have been married for a few years, whose marriages are falling apart at the seams; women who have been married for a few years now realizing their vows aren't being upheld by their husbands and there are still others whose children are more or less all grown up whose husbands have chosen to simply walk away. Brutal.

There are women in my life who are carrying the wonder of new life, women who have just brought some sweetness into the world. Beautiful. Women enjoying the wonder of a child reaching those special milestones along those first few years. Beautiful. There are women whose children have been in almost fatal accidents, now helping their paralyzed children learn how to cope with the life that lies before them. Brutal. Women whose young children have just passed away. Brutal.

Brutal and beautiful life, in different seasons, and yet sometimes at the same time.

There's the joy in my heart when my children have friends over, and the angst when their heart requests are turned down. There's the thankfulness when a friend extends pure grace to one brother, and that sinking feeling when a brother is teased. There's the delight in seeing my little girl make new friends, and the painful desire to protect her forever from the blows of female relationships in her life.

There's the ease and delight of friendships, coupled with the pain and awkwardness of hurt and strained relationships. The joy of spending time with close friends with whom one can be oneself, coupled with the pain of being incorrectly judged by others.

Relationships, for me, have been the most brutiful part of my life over recent years. Relationships seem to make the most devastating blows on my heart and send me reeling for longer than I ever expect. All too often I make a decision to risk, and end up with a heart tattered and in shreds, and really, is it worth it? And personal faults aside (although not unnoticed), I know I am not alone. Hearing a friend's heart, or looking at the blogging world, I see this trend time and time again. Women like me, choose to withdraw, to shrink back, because it's easier.

Relationships are ALL risk.

Loving well, stepping over hurt, laying aside self and desires, draws on more of our interior resources than investing in a career, a skill, a personal pursuit. And yet, there are no promotions. No public status. No guarantees.

Relationships grow only in the soil of humility, selflessness, open-handedness.Relationships are inherently risky: for all that, you can’t control the outcome.

Investing in relationships requires courage. It mandates daily fortitude and intentionality to make moment by moment decisions to prioritize relationships while balancing vocational demands.

No guarantees. 
Great courage. 
Whew.

Are we up for it?

 Elizabeth Ann fell back on the bench with her mouth open. What crazy things the teacher said! She felt as though she was being pulled limb from limb.
 "What's the matter?"asked the teacher, seeing her bewildered face.
"Why - why, " said Elizabeth Ann, "I don't know what I am at all. If I'm second-grade arithmetic and seventh-grade reading and third-grade spelling, what grade am I?"
The teacher laughed. "You aren't any grade at all, no matter where you are in school. You're just yourself, aren't you? What difference does it make what grade you're in? And what's the use of your reading little baby things too easy for you just because you don't know your multiplication table?"
"Well for goodness' sakes!" ejaculated Elizabeth Ann, feeling very much as though somebody had stood her suddenly on her head.
"What's the matter?" asked the teacher again.
This time Elizabeth Ann didn't answer because she herself didn't know what the matter was. But I do, and I'll  tell you. The matter was that never before had she known what she was doing in school. She had always thought she was there to pass from one grade to another, and she was ever so startled  to get a glimpse of the fact that she was there to learn how to read and write and cipher and generally use her mind, so she could take care of herself when she came to be grown up. Of course, she didn't know that 'til she did come to be grown up, but in that moment, she had her first dim notion of it, and it made her feel the way you do when you're learning to skate and somebody pulls away the chair you've been leaning on and says, "Now, go it alone!

This wonderful excerpt is taken from Understood Betsy, by Dorothy Canfield Fisher, and is part of Core B of the Sonlight Curriculum we follow. We've really been enjoying this read-aloud: it's about the gradual blossoming of a very sheltered nine year old girl in the 1900's, as she is exposed to learning in every day life once away from her over-protective and very traditional aunt. This excerpt actually made me go cold, as it just spoke so deeply to me about the way that we label our children, whether or not they are in mainstream schools or schooled at home. 

Our children are so much more than the grade they are in. Their learning should be about so much more than just getting from one year to the next. And on that note, it's been such a beautiful golden week here, beginning to see the fruit of out homeschooling coming out in our eldest child.

King Arthur regaled his siblings with tales about surface tension this week; went willingly on a nature ride all around our estate to find pond skaters; told me that when he grows up he want to be a conservationist. I'm sure Charlotte Mason is the one who mentioned that children should be allowed to make relations with the things they learn, and I can so see this happening in King Arthur. His passion for the world, and looking after it blows me away (yep, he often challenges me on what's to go in the recycling!), and I love watching him unfurl. It's almost too beautiful for words...

this is why I love homeschooling....

I get to be a part of it all.

 

 

 

I thought I'd elaborate a bit on that new season  I was telling y'all about....

I don't know about you, but perhaps when you became a mom you knew exactly what to do, you'd been around countless other moms and babies, and you knew how you wanted to bring up your children. You found it easy to feed, easy to wean, easy to keep house and balance everything. True?
Me? Er, not so much.
Perhaps it was giving birth for the first time in South Korea? I didn't have the faintest clue what on earth I was doing. Quite literally every step of the way - I look back on the birth of my firstborn and wonder how it was possible to know so little - granted it happened in South Korea, we didn't have a computer to our name and the only Lamaze class I found was this dodgy video I bought over the Internet. It's laughable now, really it is. 
Or perhaps the whirlwind of returning to Zimbabwe, selling everything we owned, and moving to South Africa with two suitcases and a 4 month old baby?
Perhaps having been without a community in South Korea for almost a year (we didn't live near any Westerners), or the having to start all over again in South Africa...which for those of you who have moved countries or continents know, is excruciatingly hard.
Whatever it was, (perhaps just plain old motherhood?), I found those first years hard.
Exceptionally.
I had this perception that a perfect mom gave 100% of her time and attention ALL the time to her child. So my firstborn son had my undivided attention from the moment he woke to the moment he slept. No really, I kid you not. I did not do housework. I did not cook. That had to come when he was napping or in bed. There was even a season when Braveheart returned from work and cooked dinner. See what I mean?

Thankfully, time has passed. And here I am now.
I now have three children, who are 7, 5 and 3.
And I have grown up a bit. A lot.
And He has opened my eyes some.
And then some.
And I am surer now of the steps I'm taking as a mother.
I've relaxed into this motherhood thing. (Okay, well truthfully I'm still as intense. But it feels different!)
Who knew this journey would be so bewildering? That it could be so hard, so lonely, so new, so exciting, so daring, such an adventure?

But I feel my wings unfurling. I feel a new wind beneath me. I am who I am now, and I'm at peace.

And this what I am seeing now, in this season.
The most important thing is not that I am the Best Parent Ever.
Or that I am the Best Mother.
Or that I am even a Homeschooling Success Story.

Nope. The most important calling for me, first and foremost should be my calling as a wife.

For that's what I was in the beginning, a wife - before the Clan was conceived,  and that's what I will be primarily, when my clan has cleaved.
But I don't want to only re discover the joy/beauty/importance of being a wife in 20 years time.
No.
In the here and now, I want to remember that I am Braveheart's helpmeet. His companion. His lover. That our intimacy is important. Our communication is key. Because you see, without this a marriage may crumble. Slowly start to decay. Or at the very least settle down into mediocrity.
And I'm having none of that.

A year ago Braveheart and I stood at a serious crossroad in our marriage. The kind of crossroad that slams you in the face, takes you by surprise and leaves you breathless, trembling, wondering how on earth you could be the couple facing such a crisis. Now, looking back, I'm glad Braveheart proved to me how much he wanted us to last. That he chose to fight. I'm thankful I chose to fight.

And I know this: It really is a fight to guard the heart of your marriage.
To guard it so that it will last. Fiercely protecting it.
Show me a strong marriage, and I will show you happy and secure children. The presence of raw real Love securing and affirming them in who they are, day in and day out.
  (..and to those of you who may be single/widowed parents reading this, please know that I do truly believe God can stand in the gap for you, but, well, it's even harder when you're on your own, and my heart goes out to you...)

And so God has laid it on my heart to start focusing on the heart of my marriage. To start paying attention to it with the same passion I approached parenting (okay, so ask yourself - when did you last read a good book/blog/article on marriage? And when did you last read a book/blog/article on parenting, motherhood or something of a homeschool nature? Food for thought huh?). 

Now perhaps you're one of those lucky women whose close girlfriends are just around the corner. Women whom you can share your soul with and with whom you have history. Godly women whom you can talk to about marriage and sex and Real Things without feeling awkward, ashamed or like you're betraying your loved one. O perhaps you have an awesome Mom who shared everything with you and with whom you share everything.

Me? Again, not so much. My dearest oldest friends live in other countries, and with the Zimbabwean diaspora, most live on other continents. I'm slowly making good friends and as the years pass by, there's recent history here...but for those of you like me, I wanted to share some communities I've recently stumbled on that exalt marriage, and Oneness, and Intimacy. And I hope that they will bless you. And that together, we can be Super Wives, not just Super Moms!

One Flesh Marriage - Brad and Kate blog here and I love that you can read both a wife and a husband's viewpoint on the same subject....

Hot Holy and Humorous - J says, "I am...a Christian, a wife, a mom, a writer, and a work in progress. What I write about in this blog is the kind of stuff I would talk to my closest girlfriend about in confidence, but plenty of us don't have someone who'll chat biblically and bluntly with them. Read my posts to see how sex in a Christian marriage can be HOT, HOLY & HUMOROUS!"


Intimacy in Marriage - Julie Silbert says, "I am simply a Christian wife with a heart to offer hope, encouragement and resources on this sensitive topic. I am like a lot of you, in that I juggle a full life. I am a wife, a mother, a friend, a family member…and the days seem to fly by a bit too fast. It’s crazy! I love the Lord and I am tremendously grateful for the call on my heart to come alongside other women in their journeys. We are not quite as alone in it all as we sometimes feel.


The Romantic Vineyard Tom and Debi Walter say, "Our prayer is that this site will provide couples many ideas and resources for growing their marriage to glorify God in all things! Notice the tabs at the top - these will lead you into different “rooms” in our vineyard; each one with it’s own purpose."

CWIVES - "CWIVES or “Christian Wives Initiating, Valuing, and Enjoying Sex” is your trusted resource for biblically-based, practical advice for making your marriage sizzle God’s way. The I, V, and E parts of sex don’t always come easy to women, particularly after the honeymoon glow fades, and the laundry, bills, and children pile up. And when wives don’t prioritize or value sex, we don’t initiate sex very often—if at all. We can become sexual slackers, not doing our fair share to make our marriage sizzle!"


To Love, Honor and Vaccuum - Sheila Wray Gregoire is a Christian speaker, columnist, and author. She's written five books, including the upcoming The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex. She loves speaking about marriage, parenting, and keeping our eyes on Jesus. 

Ha! That almost sounds like I'm about to get all Eastern and mystical on you, doesn't it? Truth is I'm not, although I am reading an interesting book about using yoga poses to describe a mother's journey - and considering I've never done yoga it requires a bit of imagination :) I am finding it amusing, because for the first time in a really long time the author is managing to remind me that I am really not alone in this motherhood thing, and that the daily things I face as a mother, face EVERY mother, even in rainy Seattle! Now I digress. Back to the point.

The last month or so has been pretty quiet on the blogging front. As I said before, Life kind of became busier and other things (launch will be soon!) have been taking up my creative thought flow. I've also spent the last few weeks de-cluterring again, this time not my physical environment, but my inner thought life. The more I simplify my inner life the more I can see clearly...and I love the sharpness that returns when I keep on top of my thought life. I can also cope better with the busy-ness of my daily life. The seasons in my life are shifting, and I need head space to be able to fully embrace all that God has in store for me now.

Over the years leading up to my decision to homeshool I subsrcibed to a NUMBER of really great newsletters, blogs and other helpful forums. These were actual blogs of moms who were personally doing this "homeschooling" thing, or blogs supporting the curriculum I was interested in, or ones on learning styles I would really like to embrace, or great forums of like minded people etc. And honestly? I learnt a great deal. I was encouraged. God used them instrumentally in my life to help me to find my way, to set my feet on a path I could follow, and I would not turn back the clock. I would not change all that I have learnt, all that I have been exposed to.

But you know what? That season, reading that kind of material has drawn to an end. I am on this path of homeschooling and I am confident. I am certain that I am following God and all that he wants for this family. Perhaps there will be another season like it in the future, that's possible. But for now, in this time and place,  I have unsubscribed.

I've also discovered the beauty of a reader - and although I'm still figuring out how to use and manage Google Reader (yes I know, it's taken me a bit long to figure this out! I'm a bit technologically challenged). It means that I am not getting bombarded my blog posts in my inbox. They are collecting in for me on the web, and rather than being distracted whilst supposedly checking only my email during school, I can now organize a time when I can withdraw and spend time reading and absorbing without doing it in a rush or at the expenese of something else.

I'm sure you've seen those pins or wall photos cleverly joking about how distracted Pinterest or Facebook can make you - see, I've just spent a good 10 minutes trying to find one of those darn images to illustrate my point...and failed. Distraction. Drives. Me. DILLY. I've also come to realize that Pinterest is supposed to serve me, I'm not supposed to spend my time serving it. I'm choosing to use Pinterest to do what I initially wanted it to do - to serve me as a way of pinning things I wanted to remember or one day come back to, as my visual pinboard. For a while, I loved following other people's pins, and being inspired by them. But now? Now it's overload, and so I'm scaling back. Too much distraction!

So. Onto a sharper few months, in a new season....

It's strange being a blogger.

Choosing to write things out for others to read.

To perhaps feel.

It's strange putting your heart on the line day after day, night after night.

Strange to say hello to people who may have read your words the night before....

or to say hello to people who don't even know you write a blog.

But stranger still, is the fact that I love it.

I LOVE to write...

(Eric Liddle: "When I run I feel his pleasure", Chariots of Fire)

But here's the thing...

I've struggled for a while, with many things in the blogging world.

The old war of wanting people to like what I write, wanting to be well known, wanting to be well thought of, not wanting to be misunderstood.....

Why o why is that so important to my selfish ego? Cringe....

And I struggle with focus - I thought initially I'd just be a blogger about family. Then I thought I'd define  myself as a homeschool blogger. Then I realised that  I can't possibly NOT blog about what thoughts go around inside my head - I've got to get them down.

And over the last few days God has slammed it into my chest.

I can not blog like anyone else.

I can not fit into any one else's niche.

I am Karen. Fearfuly, wonderfully unique.

And so, I can only hope to blog authentically.

So right now, the blog is void of homeschool posts, and choc a block full of posts on marriage... because my heart is heavy for marriages right now....

and Now I know.

I write where the Spirit leads me.

 Sometimes this.

Sometimes that.

But always Him.

Got to love this lovely Blogger's prayer from Ann over at A Holy Experience - go on over to download and print it for free...

Tonight, I wrote this in my head whilst sitting on Noordhoek beach at sunset.




It was beautiful.

A beautiful tranquil ending to a stunning summer's day.

But that was the outside.

On the inside, I was churning. I was ugly.

Dark and twisted.

Those are the words I've used this week to describe my inner world.

I am having one of THOSE weeks. You know? The ones you think no one else could ever have?

Well, friend, I've got news for you. I know this blog has lovely photos on it. And I share our golden days and special memories, and all the things that give my brain food for thought, and the insights I gleam from God, and my musings on homeschooling. Too often, all of that 'window dressing' can make you think (well, maybe?) that I'm a saint (and if you don't that's great...chuckle)...

But you know what? I'm going to take you into my life and share a piece of the *real world*.

Why?

Because somehow I think as mothers (no, I think it's more as women) we get caught by lies, which can entangle us, ensnaring us ... leaving us all choked up. And we can forget that we are not alone. One of my fond memories a few years ago is meeting with a mom whom I love and respect (in the memory, I have tears streaming down my face and am sobbing), and her describing to me an afternoon where in frustration and anger she threw her kids shoes down the passage after them! My tears turned to laughter (after a wee while), because up until that point I didn't think she could possibly have moments like that in her home. Turns out she did.

Know what?

It's only when we are vulnerable with one another that we get to see that we are not alone. 

And so I'm choosing to be vulnerable. Because I want you to know you are not alone.

My dark and twisted moments stem from parenting in a way that I never wanted to - somehow this week I am at loggerheads with all three of my precious children. My constant prayer is that God would not only save my children from me, but save me from myself, and let's face it, that's really not a very nice prayer to be sending up now is it? It always comes back to my tone...this is one Goliath I would really like to slay. And while we're at it, if I had more grace for them I think that would help too.

And it gets worse. O yes. Because this dark and twisted mood is a swirling vortex, pulling anything into it...including poor Braveheart. It is a grand challenge for me to remember that at the end of a day when I am filled with self loathing, that he is not the enemy, and that we are actually on the same team.

So. Somehow I'm hoping that God will work some kind of miracle overnight, or wave a wand like a fairy godmother and tomorrow morning I'll be the sweetest mother (and wife) ever...but I think the reality is that tomorrow is another day I will be falling into his grace and relying on him. Perhaps I'll copy the monks and take a vow of silence...

Here's hoping you know that you're not alone...with love....

“A wound that goes unacknowledged and

unwept is a wound that cannot heal.”

― John Eldredge

At the end of my first year of teaching, one of my talented and surprisingly wise (for her age!) students gave me a copy of The Sacred Romance, by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. That book caused a watershed in my life, and provided the stepping stones into a deeper relationship in God, and a deeper understanding of Life and all its nuances.

Over the last few months God has been tenderly reminding me again of how important my heart is to him (have you ever noticed how often the heart is referred to in scripture?), how central my heart is to living with him, and that there is a battle raging over me, and that the evil one desires to impale me with the Message of the Arrows.

"The haunting of the Romance and the Message of the Arrows are so radically different and they seem so mutually exclusive they split our hearts in two. In every way that the Romance is full of beauty and wonder, the Arrows are equally powerful in their ugliness and devastation. The Romance seems to promise a life of wholeness through a deep connection with the great Heart behind the universe. The Arrows deny it, telling us, "You are on your own. There is no Romance, no one strong and kind who is calling you to an exotic adventure". The Romance says, "This world is a benevolent place." The Arrows mock such naivete, warning us, "Just watch yourself - disaster is a moment away." The Romance invites us to trust. The Arrows intimidate us to self-reliance....

The Arrows strike at the most vital places in our hearts, the things we care most about. The deepest questions we ever ask are directly related to our heart's greatest needs and the answers life gives shape our images of ourselves, of life, and of God. WHO AM I? The Romance whispers that we are someone special, that our heart is good because it is made for someone good; the Arrows tell us we are a dime a dozen, worthless, even dark and twisted, dirty. The Romance tells us life will flourish when we give it away in love and heroic sacrifice. The Arrows tell us that we must arrange for what little life there may be, manipulating our world and all the while watching our backs. "God is good," the Romance tells us, "You can release the well-being of your heart to Him." The Arrows strike back, "Don't ever let life out of your control." and they seem to impale with such authority, unlike the gentle urges of the Romance that in the end we are driven to find some way to contain them. The only way seems to be to kill our longing for the Romance, much in the same way we harden our heart to someone who hurts us. IF I DON"T WANT SO MUCH, we believe, I WON'T BE SO VULNERABLE. Instead of dealing with the Arrows, we silence the longing. That seems to be our only hope and so we lose heart."

In another of his books, (can you tell I'm an Eldredge fan?), he points out...

I once held a hedgehog.



Years ago, at the senior school where I taught, one of the Art teachers who lived on a farm on the outskirts of Harare brought in one of his hedgehogs. I love their spikes, their soft underbellies, their cute noses.

But over the last few days, I've  been pondering.

How do you hug one?

How do you love someone who has wound barbed wire so tightly around their heart that it is inflicts deadly pain daily to themselves?

Pain they can't seem to escape from.
Pain that prevents anyone from coming close or even allowing themselves to be physically held.
Pain that prevents them from receiving love, or loving.
Pain that prevents them from being vulnerable.

A dry, parched soul lies snared in barbed wire...trapped.

How does one love through that?

How does one reach in to share that water of Life?

Belle and Aragorn on a ridge near Nordhoek peak

I can''t really explain why this word, this noun and its partnering adjective are so incredibly sweet to my tongue this week. Or why I'm rolling it around in my mouth, pausing and smiling often throughout the day, as if I'm in on some hidden secret. It is just a lovely, lovely word!

I can't explain how often I feel my spirit rise and clap for joy as He shows me something authentic or someone that is being authentic.

What I do know, is that this is my Father's heart for me. For my family and my marriage.

For you. For our marriages and our children. Something so sweet and real and genuine that we stand out in marked contrast to the world around us.

Even for this here blog. I want it to smack of being real. Smack of being genuine. There is something so life giving when someone, something is AUTHENTIC.

And I leave you with this, a lovely link to Kristen's blog, We Are That Family: this blog has been known to draw me to tears often with how unashamedly she has chosen to trust and to share her heart....if you have the time, go on over to her series He said She said....

Food for thought huh?

'School' is back in session! The third term of schooling has begun in the sunny Western Cape! For me, that means that my younger two go back to their pre-schools, and King Arthur and I  'do' school here at home.

Last night was pivotal for me. For me, knowing what I'm doing, why I'm doing it and how I'm going to do something is really important before I am confident to move ahead. During the holidays I attended the Footprints open day, and purchased Wendy Young's Handbook for South African Homeschoolers. Much of it was something I had already known, but what was refreshing was hearing it again from a South African perspective. The one thing I really enjoyed was looking at how she writes out her goals for each of her children at the beginning of the year - not only academic, but characteristics she wants them to focus on, mastering chores, spiritual goals etc. Last night all of those strings came together for me, all the strings God has been highlighting...

I spent ages assessing where King Arthur was, writing down some short term goals I wanted to encourage him to reach this term, and planning the nitty gritty stuff too - we finished off last term mid week (imagine how much this goes against my grain!), so this week is about wrapping up loose ends from last term and then moving forward. I was even led to look at Aragorn in a clearer light - these are the aspects of parenting that matters -  the 'stuff' that will last, not the academics.

The day dawned...and from start to finish it has been one of those golden days. You know the ones? Where everything just flows so effortlessly? True, I was organised last night - with pre-packing lunch boxes and preparing to teach for my day, but it was more than that. It is the spring in my step. The pleasure. The delight in this road we're on.

This morning, I sent everyone off to school with smiles, watched them wrap their tiny arms around friends they hadn't seen over the holidays, wide grins stretching from ear to ear. I watched them hug friends so hard they lifted them off the ground and fell over. I watched them embrace teacher's legs. And King Arthur and I had an awesome day - giving him a three week break as opposed to continuing to teach him (like I had intended :)) has been the best thing ever. He was such an eager and willing student, and even welcomed the outdoor science discovery walk I spontaneously decided to do!

I picked up positively glowing children, and spent a lovely chilled afternoon at home! That I think was also key to the golden hue of the day - not rushing anywhere to see anyone or do co-curriculars. (Our holidays were way too busy with trying to see friends etc, that I blocked out the last week just for us, and it was so worth it!). Everything is slowing easing us into the pace of this term, and I am for the first time, not rushing ahead.

So, here's to many, many more golden days this term!

ps have yet to pack any lunches for tomorrow!