Karen's Clan

 Elizabeth Ann fell back on the bench with her mouth open. What crazy things the teacher said! She felt as though she was being pulled limb from limb.
 "What's the matter?"asked the teacher, seeing her bewildered face.
"Why - why, " said Elizabeth Ann, "I don't know what I am at all. If I'm second-grade arithmetic and seventh-grade reading and third-grade spelling, what grade am I?"
The teacher laughed. "You aren't any grade at all, no matter where you are in school. You're just yourself, aren't you? What difference does it make what grade you're in? And what's the use of your reading little baby things too easy for you just because you don't know your multiplication table?"
"Well for goodness' sakes!" ejaculated Elizabeth Ann, feeling very much as though somebody had stood her suddenly on her head.
"What's the matter?" asked the teacher again.
This time Elizabeth Ann didn't answer because she herself didn't know what the matter was. But I do, and I'll  tell you. The matter was that never before had she known what she was doing in school. She had always thought she was there to pass from one grade to another, and she was ever so startled  to get a glimpse of the fact that she was there to learn how to read and write and cipher and generally use her mind, so she could take care of herself when she came to be grown up. Of course, she didn't know that 'til she did come to be grown up, but in that moment, she had her first dim notion of it, and it made her feel the way you do when you're learning to skate and somebody pulls away the chair you've been leaning on and says, "Now, go it alone!

You make a grave mistake if you conclude that child rearing is nothing more than providing the best possible shaping influences for your children. Many Christian parents adopt this "Christian determinism". They figure that if they can always be positive with him, if they can send him to Christian schools or if they can home school, if they can provide the best childhood experience, then their child will turn out okay.

These parents are sure that a proper environment will produce a proper child. They respond almost as if the child were inert. Such a posture is simply determinism dressed in Christian clothes.

I have a friend who is a potter. He told me that he can only create the type of pot the clay he is working with allows him to create. The clay is not merely passive in his hands. The clay responds to him. Some clay is elastic and supple. Some clay is crumbly and hard to shape.

His observation provides a good analogy: You must (emphasis mine) be concerned with providing the most stable shaping influences, but you may never suppose that you are merely molding passive clay. The clay responds to shaping; it either accepts or rejects molding. ... Your son or daughter responds according to the Godward focus of his or her life....

Determinism makes parents conclude that a good shaping influence will automatically produce good children. This often bears bitter fruit later in life. Parents who have an unruly and troublesome teenager or young adult conclude that the problem is the shaping influences they provided. They think if they had made a little better home, things would have turned out okay. They forget the child is never determined solely by the shaping influences of life....Your child's heart determines how he responds to your parenting.

1. Strictly speaking I have only covered 15 weeks of my Sonlight curriculum in the 20 odd school weeks that have been this year. I only actually 'do' school four days a week with him as the fifth day is spent at co-op. Hmm...my driven goal-orientated personality doesn't like that so much!
2. I have learnt (ahem, am learning) to relax about this fact though, as according the Department of Education's workbooks and learning outcomes for Grade One, Elijah can already check all the boxes. Seriously. Which leaves me stone cold with all the issues this exposes – how low the expectations are of learners; the need for this considering this is for schools across South Africa that may or may not have books, teachers, educational materials etc. It has left me with serious questions about education and the inequalities that exist because of socio-economic reasons – but I digress. More on that another day.
3. And this brings me back to my pace. Some days I have panicked. Poor Braveheart. And poor King Arthur – you can tell the days I have a bee in my bonnet, as those are the days I set out to ACHIEVE! To tick as many boxes as we can! But what I've realised? Why I am trying to rush through this curriculum in a year, if he has already achieved the milestones Grade One expects of him? And what is important? Isn't it more important for an almost 7 year old to embrace and enjoy his childhood, rather than achieving academics – for there is certainly going to be time enough for that. Isn't this season more important for making sure I have his heart, that we are in relationship? Because at the end of the day, it's our relationship with our children that really matters – that weighs so much more than academics.
4. I have been disappointed in some ways with Sonlight. It's true. Probably if I'm honest, because of my own expectations – I didn't expect Sonlight K/A to be so ...bitty. But in all fairness, it is only an Introduction to World Cultures. I found the pace we were flying through cultures from the beginning of the world to present day just a slight bit unnerving, and found myself deliberately slowing down – but actually upon further intense examination (I'm so type A) of the catalogue, I can see clearly how this spiral sequence of learning pans out from here. This is after all, only the beginning! Breathe Karen, breathe! So I get it now, and again, relaxing!
5. I have learnt that less is sometimes so much more. King Arthur LOVES his read-alouds, and initially I read to him as many chapters a day as he wanted, (or as my voice could manage). But now, after delving into Charlotte Mason, I realise that there is a reason behind Sonlight's few chapters a day. It is to allow the child to fully absorb what is being read to them, and to engage in the subject matter more intensely. So now, I refuse to read more of the set book – but have incorporated a few books at a time, so there's always more to be had, but just of different books.
6. Short, sharp and sweet - I'm now keeping each subject we do to a 10-20 minute limit, and am strictly enforcing this. I'm loving the change it's had on King Arthur, who in spite of being happy to sit for hours, now takes great pleasure in knowing that for this allotted time he is expected to give 100% of his attention to the subject.
7. I don't think there's anything wrong with having high expectations of your children in regard to the effort they make or the attitude they approach something with – and this has been our biggest hurdle to date. Again, this is something so much more valuable than the academics. So now I communicate, that if the handwriting task is not done to the very best of his ability, I will rub it out and we'll start again. And that only took a day! (and for the record, these are minimal handwriting exercises, still think I'm going to hold off on the writing for a few more months)
8. Hmmm, what else? My best buy has got to be all the books. Hands down. And the 600 piece world puzzle that King Arthur does over and over again. My worst buy? Hmmm, that would be the Reason for Handwriting Book K. I feel it's a waste as one really could so easily make your own with what is available on the Internet, and King Arthur has got bored with doing a letter at a time etc. In my browsing, again, stumbling across Charlotte Mason's methods for copywork etc, I think I'll adopt that in the future. Within this, I am very glad I bought the Reason for Writing Study guide that goes with it as it covers K through 6^th grade, so even though I don't have the other students' books, now that I have the study guide I can deduce what the lessons would look like for the future. And looking ahead, I think it gets better from here on in, in terms of scriptures the kids learn in copywork etc. -in terms of a waste of money.