Sunday, May 13, 2012
To My dear
children
This mother's
Day I wanted to write you
a letter. I wanted to write to your hearts in a way that you
will remember some things that are very important to me. And even
perhaps if you don't understand all that I write now,
I want you to be able to return and read this one day....because
catching a glimpse into a mother's heart is enlightening. It's like
switching on a light in a dark room - it helps you to understand her,
to know what she felt, what she thought , how she lived her days, and
perhaps why she acted in certain ways. I think that would have helped
me when I was growing up, to understand and know my mom a bit more,
and I want you to know me, because when you come to knowsomeone, you come to understand them.
King Arthur, Aragorn, Belle.
I am a mother
because of you.
You three
beautiful children changed me from a married woman, to a mother. You
three transformed
me, like when a caterpillar changes into a butterfly, or when the sun
comes up and changes the dark night sky into paler, lighter shades
and it becomes the blue daytime sky. Do you remember how much I cried
when Stripe (our pet rabbit) had babies? And then again when one died? And again when
we couldn't save the last one and it died too? And I said it was
because of the miracle of life, and God? Well, let me tell you, I
cried so much the day each of you were born, because each
of you are a miracle. And each
of you transformed my life. My life has never been the same again -
and never will be!
Sweet children of
mine. There is much I want to say, much I want to try and explain.
You know how you
guys go to swimming lessons and gymnastics coaching and ballet with
Miss Kate sometimes? And they show you and teach you what
to do, and then you try, and the coaches help you to get it right? Or
when you build your Lego and you follow the instructions, and by
following the instructions you can create beautiful things? Well,
there aren't any classes or instructions at all for becoming a mom
or a dad! Nope! We moms and dads have never been a mom or a dad
before, and we have to figure out this parenting things as we go
along, right alongside you growing up! I'm very thankful that I know
God, because his Spirit often shows me what to do. Without him, I
don't think I would be able to do this very well. Most of all, I have
to rely on his Spirit, and trust him to lead me to be a good mother.
Sometimes, I
get being a mom very, very right, and those times are the beautiful
golden days - you know the ones? The ones where I smile and cry
because I am so happy? And then there are the days where I just make
so many mistakes I begin to feel all black inside, those days when I
put myself in "time out" because I am so grumpy, or when I
use a tone none of us really like? You know those days too, the
ones where I sometimes cry with an unhappy face? And sometimes you
cry too?
Well sweethearts.
This much is true. In those happy days and in those sad days one
thing stays the same. I LOVE YOU. That foundation is rock solid and
secure. Sometimes I wish I could take my heart out and give it
to you, and that you could see all the golden stuff inside. The
things I want for you, the dreams I have for you, the hopes I
have and the desires of my heart. I am always FOR you. Always. I only
want the best for you. I want you to be you, and am so glad you are
all who you are. I love watching you grow up, and watching God
working inside of you. You bring me such delight.
But the thing I
want you to remember beyond all else, is that in spite of my
imperfections and shortcomings, I know this one thing for sure.
You are my loved
ones.
You are my
miracles.
You are my
heartstrings that all of life plays out on.
Sweet children of
mine, please forgive me. Forgive me for all the times I have
been less of the mother you've wanted me to be.
I'm coming
to realize that I may never be a 'perfect mother'. Remember what
Dad and I say to you guys? It's not doing something perfectly that
counts, it's about trying your best? Well, I'm trying my best dear
children. I'm slowly learning to mother in the arms of our GREAT
God, and follow his grace and his leading to be all of the mother He
wants me to be to you. And you know what I think is beautiful?
Is that as you grow up, I grow up into being a better and better
mother! Isn't it funny how that works? Imagine, maybe one day I'm
going to be a great mother/ granny to your children!
So, when we're
having those golden days, remind yourself that the baseline never
wavers, I ALWAYS love you. And when we're having those yucky days,
where nothing seems to flow easily, remember, I ALWAYS love you. Come
rain or shine, come yelling or cuddling, I will always love you.
Happy Mother's day
to you, my miracles!
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