Posted by : Karen Sunday, May 13, 2012
To My dear children
This mother's Day I wanted to write you a letter. I wanted to write to your hearts in a way that you will remember some things that are very important to me. And even perhaps if you don't understand all that I write now, I want you to be able to return and read this one day....because catching a glimpse into a mother's heart is enlightening. It's like switching on a light in a dark room - it helps you to understand her, to know what she felt, what she thought , how she lived her days, and perhaps why she acted in certain ways. I think that would have helped me when I was growing up, to understand and know my mom a bit more, and I want you to know me, because when you come to knowsomeone, you come to understand them.
King Arthur, Aragorn, Belle.
I am a mother because of you.
You three beautiful children changed me from a married woman, to a mother. You three transformed me, like when a caterpillar changes into a butterfly, or when the sun comes up and changes the dark night sky into paler, lighter shades and it becomes the blue daytime sky. Do you remember how much I cried when Stripe (our pet rabbit) had babies? And then again when one died? And again when we couldn't save the last one and it died too? And I said it was because of the miracle of life, and God? Well, let me tell you, I cried so much the day each of you were born, because each of you are a miracle. And each of you transformed my life. My life has never been the same again - and never will be!
Sweet children of mine. There is much I want to say, much I want to try and explain.
You know how you guys go to swimming lessons and gymnastics coaching and ballet with Miss Kate sometimes? And they show you and teach you what to do, and then you try, and the coaches help you to get it right? Or when you build your Lego and you follow the instructions, and by following the instructions you can create beautiful things? Well, there aren't any classes or instructions at all for becoming a mom or a dad! Nope! We moms and dads have never been a mom or a dad before, and we have to figure out this parenting things as we go along, right alongside you growing up! I'm very thankful that I know God, because his Spirit often shows me what to do. Without him, I don't think I would be able to do this very well. Most of all, I have to rely on his Spirit, and trust him to lead me to be a good mother.
Sometimes, I get being a mom very, very right, and those times are the beautiful golden days - you know the ones? The ones where I smile and cry because I am so happy? And then there are the days where I just make so many mistakes I begin to feel all black inside, those days when I put myself in "time out" because I am so grumpy, or when I use a tone none of us really like? You know those days too, the ones where I sometimes cry with an unhappy face? And sometimes you cry too?
Well sweethearts. This much is true. In those happy days and in those sad days one thing stays the same. I LOVE YOU. That foundation is rock solid and secure. Sometimes I wish I could take my heart out and give it to you, and that you could see all the golden stuff inside. The things I want for you, the dreams I have for you, the hopes I have and the desires of my heart. I am always FOR you. Always. I only want the best for you. I want you to be you, and am so glad you are all who you are. I love watching you grow up, and watching God working inside of you. You bring me such delight.
But the thing I want you to remember beyond all else, is that in spite of my imperfections and shortcomings, I know this one thing for sure.
You are my loved ones.
You are my miracles.
You are my heartstrings that all of life plays out on.
Sweet children of mine, please forgive me. Forgive me for all the times I have been less of the mother you've wanted me to be.
I'm coming to realize that I may never be a 'perfect mother'. Remember what Dad and I say to you guys? It's not doing something perfectly that counts, it's about trying your best? Well, I'm trying my best dear children. I'm slowly learning to mother in the arms of our GREAT God, and follow his grace and his leading to be all of the mother He wants me to be to you. And you know what I think is beautiful? Is that as you grow up, I grow up into being a better and better mother! Isn't it funny how that works? Imagine, maybe one day I'm going to be a great mother/ granny to your children!
So, when we're having those golden days, remind yourself that the baseline never wavers, I ALWAYS love you. And when we're having those yucky days, where nothing seems to flow easily, remember, I ALWAYS love you. Come rain or shine, come yelling or cuddling, I will always love you.
Happy Mother's day to you, my miracles!