Karen's Clan

Ha! That almost sounds like I'm about to get all Eastern and mystical on you, doesn't it? Truth is I'm not, although I am reading an interesting book about using yoga poses to describe a mother's journey - and considering I've never done yoga it requires a bit of imagination :) I am finding it amusing, because for the first time in a really long time the author is managing to remind me that I am really not alone in this motherhood thing, and that the daily things I face as a mother, face EVERY mother, even in rainy Seattle! Now I digress. Back to the point.

The last month or so has been pretty quiet on the blogging front. As I said before, Life kind of became busier and other things (launch will be soon!) have been taking up my creative thought flow. I've also spent the last few weeks de-cluterring again, this time not my physical environment, but my inner thought life. The more I simplify my inner life the more I can see clearly...and I love the sharpness that returns when I keep on top of my thought life. I can also cope better with the busy-ness of my daily life. The seasons in my life are shifting, and I need head space to be able to fully embrace all that God has in store for me now.

Over the years leading up to my decision to homeshool I subsrcibed to a NUMBER of really great newsletters, blogs and other helpful forums. These were actual blogs of moms who were personally doing this "homeschooling" thing, or blogs supporting the curriculum I was interested in, or ones on learning styles I would really like to embrace, or great forums of like minded people etc. And honestly? I learnt a great deal. I was encouraged. God used them instrumentally in my life to help me to find my way, to set my feet on a path I could follow, and I would not turn back the clock. I would not change all that I have learnt, all that I have been exposed to.

But you know what? That season, reading that kind of material has drawn to an end. I am on this path of homeschooling and I am confident. I am certain that I am following God and all that he wants for this family. Perhaps there will be another season like it in the future, that's possible. But for now, in this time and place,  I have unsubscribed.

I've also discovered the beauty of a reader - and although I'm still figuring out how to use and manage Google Reader (yes I know, it's taken me a bit long to figure this out! I'm a bit technologically challenged). It means that I am not getting bombarded my blog posts in my inbox. They are collecting in for me on the web, and rather than being distracted whilst supposedly checking only my email during school, I can now organize a time when I can withdraw and spend time reading and absorbing without doing it in a rush or at the expenese of something else.

I'm sure you've seen those pins or wall photos cleverly joking about how distracted Pinterest or Facebook can make you - see, I've just spent a good 10 minutes trying to find one of those darn images to illustrate my point...and failed. Distraction. Drives. Me. DILLY. I've also come to realize that Pinterest is supposed to serve me, I'm not supposed to spend my time serving it. I'm choosing to use Pinterest to do what I initially wanted it to do - to serve me as a way of pinning things I wanted to remember or one day come back to, as my visual pinboard. For a while, I loved following other people's pins, and being inspired by them. But now? Now it's overload, and so I'm scaling back. Too much distraction!

So. Onto a sharper few months, in a new season....

“A wound that goes unacknowledged and

unwept is a wound that cannot heal.”

― John Eldredge

At the end of my first year of teaching, one of my talented and surprisingly wise (for her age!) students gave me a copy of The Sacred Romance, by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. That book caused a watershed in my life, and provided the stepping stones into a deeper relationship in God, and a deeper understanding of Life and all its nuances.

Over the last few months God has been tenderly reminding me again of how important my heart is to him (have you ever noticed how often the heart is referred to in scripture?), how central my heart is to living with him, and that there is a battle raging over me, and that the evil one desires to impale me with the Message of the Arrows.

"The haunting of the Romance and the Message of the Arrows are so radically different and they seem so mutually exclusive they split our hearts in two. In every way that the Romance is full of beauty and wonder, the Arrows are equally powerful in their ugliness and devastation. The Romance seems to promise a life of wholeness through a deep connection with the great Heart behind the universe. The Arrows deny it, telling us, "You are on your own. There is no Romance, no one strong and kind who is calling you to an exotic adventure". The Romance says, "This world is a benevolent place." The Arrows mock such naivete, warning us, "Just watch yourself - disaster is a moment away." The Romance invites us to trust. The Arrows intimidate us to self-reliance....

The Arrows strike at the most vital places in our hearts, the things we care most about. The deepest questions we ever ask are directly related to our heart's greatest needs and the answers life gives shape our images of ourselves, of life, and of God. WHO AM I? The Romance whispers that we are someone special, that our heart is good because it is made for someone good; the Arrows tell us we are a dime a dozen, worthless, even dark and twisted, dirty. The Romance tells us life will flourish when we give it away in love and heroic sacrifice. The Arrows tell us that we must arrange for what little life there may be, manipulating our world and all the while watching our backs. "God is good," the Romance tells us, "You can release the well-being of your heart to Him." The Arrows strike back, "Don't ever let life out of your control." and they seem to impale with such authority, unlike the gentle urges of the Romance that in the end we are driven to find some way to contain them. The only way seems to be to kill our longing for the Romance, much in the same way we harden our heart to someone who hurts us. IF I DON"T WANT SO MUCH, we believe, I WON'T BE SO VULNERABLE. Instead of dealing with the Arrows, we silence the longing. That seems to be our only hope and so we lose heart."

In another of his books, (can you tell I'm an Eldredge fan?), he points out...

'School' is back in session! The third term of schooling has begun in the sunny Western Cape! For me, that means that my younger two go back to their pre-schools, and King Arthur and I  'do' school here at home.

Last night was pivotal for me. For me, knowing what I'm doing, why I'm doing it and how I'm going to do something is really important before I am confident to move ahead. During the holidays I attended the Footprints open day, and purchased Wendy Young's Handbook for South African Homeschoolers. Much of it was something I had already known, but what was refreshing was hearing it again from a South African perspective. The one thing I really enjoyed was looking at how she writes out her goals for each of her children at the beginning of the year - not only academic, but characteristics she wants them to focus on, mastering chores, spiritual goals etc. Last night all of those strings came together for me, all the strings God has been highlighting...

I spent ages assessing where King Arthur was, writing down some short term goals I wanted to encourage him to reach this term, and planning the nitty gritty stuff too - we finished off last term mid week (imagine how much this goes against my grain!), so this week is about wrapping up loose ends from last term and then moving forward. I was even led to look at Aragorn in a clearer light - these are the aspects of parenting that matters -  the 'stuff' that will last, not the academics.

The day dawned...and from start to finish it has been one of those golden days. You know the ones? Where everything just flows so effortlessly? True, I was organised last night - with pre-packing lunch boxes and preparing to teach for my day, but it was more than that. It is the spring in my step. The pleasure. The delight in this road we're on.

This morning, I sent everyone off to school with smiles, watched them wrap their tiny arms around friends they hadn't seen over the holidays, wide grins stretching from ear to ear. I watched them hug friends so hard they lifted them off the ground and fell over. I watched them embrace teacher's legs. And King Arthur and I had an awesome day - giving him a three week break as opposed to continuing to teach him (like I had intended :)) has been the best thing ever. He was such an eager and willing student, and even welcomed the outdoor science discovery walk I spontaneously decided to do!

I picked up positively glowing children, and spent a lovely chilled afternoon at home! That I think was also key to the golden hue of the day - not rushing anywhere to see anyone or do co-curriculars. (Our holidays were way too busy with trying to see friends etc, that I blocked out the last week just for us, and it was so worth it!). Everything is slowing easing us into the pace of this term, and I am for the first time, not rushing ahead.

So, here's to many, many more golden days this term!

ps have yet to pack any lunches for tomorrow!