Karen's Clan

You know what I find most interesting? Every now and then (ahem, that's a lie, fairly often!) I dip into the stats on my blog, and I check what you like to read about. And for some months I've been flummaxed that one of my most popular posts is Marriage Matters.

What I deduce from that, is that at the heart of all of us women (I'm assuming it's mostly women who read my blog:)) is a deep desire to enrich our marriages, to make this lifetime union work...we're on a quest whether we realize it or not, to find like minded souls with whom we can bare our souls so that we can be encouraged and grow. And too often, we don't share. We remain 'perfect' on the outside...thanks to Mel for so pertinently labeling this as the 'untouchable' things in our lives)....


I have spent the last three days reading this post, editing it, rewriting it, with Braveheart over my shoulder. (Yes, he subscribes to my blog and I occasionally call him in to read something before I hit publish...) This is something we both feel strongly about, both desiring for God's people to find freedom and truth....

So..in the spirit of building marriages and enriching our unions, I choose to share with you how God ordained a meeting with two lovely ladies in Ballito....

And before you read further, let me lay a foundation with this: I'm not sure what your road into marriage or intimacy looked like...I'm not sure if you felt prepared for s3x, or have found intimacy; I'm not sure if you find s3x empty and pointless, or have an incredible relationship with your husband; I'm not sure if you are weighed down by past sexual experiences with someone other than your husband....

But I do know this.... sadly, something that God created and designed for pure pleasure and enjoyment within marriage has become so sullied and twisted by the world's portrayal of it, that Christian women have stopped talking about s3x, stopped sharing and caring and preparing new brides. Christian women are often left to learn everything from the world's perspective, which is OFTEN incorrect.

(Please note: in no way am I supporting women who talk about their husbands in an unhealthy way, or ignore the sacredness of the marriage bed...)


I find it fascinating that we can study Ruth for loyalty, or Esther for courage, or the Proverbs 31 woman for guidance in being a wife/homemaker/mother, or read endless blogs to encourage us along those paths...but have any of us ever studied (and I mean REALLY studied) the Shulamite woman in Song of Songs? Have you ever heard women's Bible studies on her? Ever found a blog exhorting and edifying s3x withing marriage? And yet, that is God's gift to us: a book IN THE BIBLE, all about s3x, about his delight in us learning about our sensousness...

Whilst in Ballito, I had the privilege of meeting  Lisa Opperman and Caryn of Sensuous (go on over:can you really hear their hearts?), an intimacy boutique for women.



These two women have followed the call of God to create a safe haven for women where s3x and the marriage bed can be celebrated. Having met with both of them, and having spent some time with Lisa, all I can say is how amazed I am how God has used them. I so love their heart's desire for women to realize the immense power they hold when they realize how sensuous God created them to be and the utter delight they can bring their husbands. Men most crave our respect, and by understanding and respecting their desire/need to have s3x, we honor them...and we honor God.

They also speak at ladies gatherings, offer counselling, encouragement and advice to/for women (something I think Christianity is sorely lacking - Ttius 2 in every area), hold bridal showers at their shop, and with an arrangement, you can start a 'date night' with your husband at the shop trying on the lingerie he likes (they'll provide canapes and champagne!).

Both women love God, and their husbands have recognized the calling of God on their lives, and the pastors of their churches have blessed their work. I am in awe of the restorative, redeeming  work God has done in their lives....and in the short time I've known them, I have learnt so much from them. When I think back to the pre marital counselling Braveheart and I received, it's something that makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time! It prepared us for pretty much nothing - so shallow it skimmed the surface of critical issues. I don't think I was ever fully prepared for what my role of being a wife is truly all about, or taught how critically important we are to our husbands' well being in EVERY area. I have cried out to God for years for understanding; for older, experienced women to come alongside me to teach, encourage and inspire me, especially in the area of sexual intimacy (there are many complex issues at work for me here). For years I have felt imprisoned - you can't just talk to anyone! It was so important for me to have someone to talk to who shared my world view...and it seems like it took a trip to Ballito to find them!

May we continually catch a glimpse of God's heart for us women and what he desires for our marriages...

May God open our eyes...

May we reclaim s3x from the world for it belongs to God, and is rightfully ours...

ps if you feel uncomfortable leaving a comment here, you can inbox me directly....karen {at} sunrise {dot} co {dot} za